


Those Hardest To Love Need It Most

by CoffeeAndArrows



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Sara Lance needs a hug 2k18, post Arrow 6x23
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 22:26:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14703702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndArrows/pseuds/CoffeeAndArrows
Summary: In the end it was Sara who broke the silence, quietly asking 'Why did you come?''Why did I come?' Ava repeated, causing Sara to sit up next to her and nod, her movements still hesitant. Ava reached out to grasp Sara's other hand. 'Because I care about you. And you shouldn't have to go through this alone.'Sara sucked in a shaky breath, her eyes beginning to burn. 'Everyone I care about dies, or leaves. And I -' she cut off, her voice breaking as she struggled to get her words out. 'I can't help but think it's the universe's punishment for me, for all the lives I've taken.'Or, Sara really doesn't know how to deal with things that happened in the finale.





	Those Hardest To Love Need It Most

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of emotions about the Arrow finale so here you go

 

Later that night, after they've taken his body away and Sara has untangled herself from Felicity's arms yet again, she says her goodbyes to Team Arrow and creeps back onto the Waverider.

The team have been worried about her since she left, she knows that, but she's not up to seeing them right now. She can't handle Ray's optimism or Nate's supportive attitude, and if anyone asks anything about her father she knows she's going to fall apart. The team have been through so much, and they need a captain who can lead them, not one who is barely holding it together.

So instead of heading to the bridge, Sara heads to her room, asking Gideon to let the team know that she's back but doesn't want to be disturbed.

In the end she barely makes it to her room, crumpling against the door the moment it shuts behind her and letting her grief wash over her.

It's just so _unfair_.

She'd barely managed to get through Laurel's death, but slowly and surely she had been piecing herself back together. It was an uphill battle, but she was finally getting to a place where she was...not _okay_  with loosing her sister, but more at peace. 

A place where she knew she was doing what Laurel wanted, and that her sister would be proud.

And now she and Ava had worked through their issues, she was _happy_. For the first time in a long time.

 

But of course, the universe had some kind of vendetta against her, so as per usual the moment she let herself be happy everything had turned to shit.

So maybe she should've expected to get a call Laurel - _not your sister_  - telling her to come home. Maybe she should've expected her father to get hurt. Maybe she should've seen it all coming, just like she should've expected her decisions last year to tear reality apart. 

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

But the fact was, she hadn't.

She had let herself become content, and as she took a swig of of the strongest liquor she had, not bothering with a glass, Sara realised that that was the root of the issue. If she hadn't stopped expecting a threat round every corner or the death of a loved one on a frequent basis, this shit wouldn't be able to surprise her.

_He'd still be dead though,_  a voice whispered in the back of her mind.

It was right, she had no chance of saving her father, especially when he'd chosen to jump in front of a bullet for a stranger wearing her sister's face - which was a whole other mess to unpack, and she didn't even know where to begin.

_You could've saved Laurel though._

_You could've saved Martin._

_You could've saved..._

The list went on, and on, and on. She wasn't prepared to deal with this, because she'd turned up to see her father after his surgery, and they'd told her it looked hopeful and that he would be alright, but the moment she got there he was gone and she never even got to say goodbye.

Sara wiped away yet more tears, taking another long swig from the bottle.

 

It could've been hours later that she heard the familiar sound of a portal opening into her room, but it could've been minutes. The alcohol was beginning to do its job and there was a numbness settling within her that was a welcome relief in comparison to the rest of the day.

'Sara?' A voice asked, stepping closer to where she was still slouched against the wall.

_Ava's voice,_  her brain reminded her, and a vague thought of getting up crossed her mind before she pushed it away. It was too late for keeping up appearances, and anyway, she didn't really have it in her right now. 

She looked up, watching through blurry eyes as Ava came to kneel by her side, concern written all over her face. 'Sara?' she repeated, bringing a hand up to tilt the captain's face so she could look into her eyes. Sara just blinked at her, and Ava's eves drifted to the almost empty bottles on the floor nearby. Her expression softened. 'How much have you had?'

Sara shrugged, tears yet again beginning to collect against her eyelashes. Ava gave a soft sigh. 'Are you drunk?'

Her question was met by another shrug, followed by a mumbled 'maybe. Hopefully.'

Before she had a chance to respond, Sara started to ask 'How did you...' , a look of confusion crossing her face.

Ava brushed a stray piece of hair from Sara's forehead. Her hair was a mess, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy, but it was the vulnerability in her expression that hurt the most, partly because this wasn't Sara choosing to let down her walls, instead they had just crumbled and she didn't know how to handle it.  'Gideon told the team, and Zari called me. They didn't want you to be alone.' 

Sara blinked up at Ava as if she couldn't quite understand, and Ava hoped with all her heart that it was due to the alcohol, rather than Sara simply not being able to fathom anyone caring about her.

 

They remained sat on the floor for a while, until Ava's legs began to go to sleep and she somehow persuaded Sara to move, ending up sat on the bed while Sara sprawled across it next to her.

It was clear that the blonde wasn't in the mood to talk, even though it would probably do her good. But forcing her seemed cruel after the day she'd had, so Ava left her alone to her thoughts, focusing instead on drawing patterns across the back of Sara's hand, hoping to at least give her some way to ground herself.

Sara had been through so much in the last few years, and for so long Ava had only seen her as a name in a file, an example of what not to do. But when she'd let herself see the truth, she'd found that Sara was just as human underneath as anyone else - she may not have been perfect, and her plans didn't always work, but she was trying _so goddamn hard._

But somehow, the darkness always caught up with her, and it wasn't right.

It shouldn't have to be this way.

 

In the end it was Sara who broke the silence, quietly asking 'Why did you come?'

'Why did I come?' Ava repeated, causing Sara to sit up next to her and nod, her movements still hesitant. Ava reached out to grasp Sara's other hand. 'Because I care about you. And you shouldn't have to go through this alone.'

Sara sucked in a shaky breath, her eyes beginning to burn. 'Everyone I care about dies, or leaves. And I -' she cut off, her voice breaking as she struggled to get her words out. 'I can't help but think it's the universe's punishment for me, for all the lives I've taken.'

Part of Ava was bewildered, not knowing how Sara had managed to reach that conclusion, but a much larger part of her knew in the weird, twisted part of Sara's brain, that would make perfect sense.

It was just such a _Sara_  thing to believe.

Ava sighed, brushing a hand through her girlfriend's hair, 'That's ridiculous, you know that.'

Sara brushed an escaped tear off her face. 'I know. I do. But...' She trailed off, and Ava squeezed her hand in encouragement. 'I... First Laurel, and Martin, and Rip, and now my dad. I get people killed.'

'Hey,' Ava interrupted sharply. 'What happened with your dad? That was _not_  your fault. Not even slightly.'

Sara nodded, unsure .'I just -'

She cut off, the hitch in her voice clear. Instead of continuing, she reached for the bottle she had placed on the bedside table, aiming to drown her feelings instead of confronting them. Before she could reach it, Ava caught Sara's wrist and pulled it back from the bottle, causing Sara to look up, her eyes pleading. Ava pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. 'You've had enough, Sara.'

Surprising both Ava and herself, Sara didn't argue, and there was a moment of silence as she rubbed her eyes, attempting to prevent more tears. It felt as though she'd cried all day, letting out all the emotions she'd been suppressing for the past year. She blinked several times and swiped at her cheeks before burying her head in her hands, whilst Ava slid one hand over to her back, beginning to rub soothing patterns across it.

There was nothing she could do. 

And there was nothing Sara could've done either. Because some things just aren't preventable, no matter how much we wish they would be.

Sara looked up, her eyes bleary, the alcohol clearly making its way through her system. Her voice shook as she quietly turned to Ava and told her that she should go, get away from her. She was a poison, slowly killing everyone around her.

Ava shook her head and took Sara's face in her hands, forcing the other woman to look into her eyes. 'That's not true Sara. Not even slightly. And we've been down that road, remember? When we both listened to our fears instead of following our hearts. Let's not repeat that, yeah?'

Sara simply shook her head and closed her eyes. It was all too much.

All of it. This.

Her father.

Laurel.

'Sara,' Ava murmured again, her voice soft, 'You are not responsible for your father's death. Not in the slightest. And your team? They have _chosen_  to follow you. Martin believed in you, and the team do too.' Ava pressed a kiss to Sara's forehead, pulling her closer. Her voice was impossibly soft as she reiterated 'You're not poison, Sara.'

This conversation was going round in circles, and Sara certainly wasn't making it easy. But she had lost so much in such a short time period, and now her world had been flipped upside down yet again, and honestly, all things considered, this was going better than Ava had expected. 

Sara shuddered, pressing herself closer to Ava's chest as she tried to avoid a memory or a vision or something else. Her voice was barely there as she whispered 'I just wish I'd got a chance to say goodbye.'

That was the worst part about it. Laurel - _not Laurel_  - had told her to come, and even if it didn't look good she'd thought she'd get a moment with her father, or just a chance to talk to him before it was all over.

She had so much to tell him, about how she was saving time, how she and the team had had to save Caesar from Aruba, and all about their adventures.

She desperately wanted to tell him all about the cute girl she'd met, about how organized she was and how when they'd first met Ava had kicked her ass.

He would've loved her.

 

Most of all, she wanted to tell him she was happy.

That she'd finally made peace with Laurel's death and everything that happened before, and was ready to move on.

But with so many people before, she didn't get the chance. She never seemed to get the chance. When she'd got to the hospital and found out the news, it was all she could do to cling onto Felicity and try to survive the storm, well past the point of keeping up appearances.

 

Sara's breath was now coming out in harsh gasps, her hands trembling as she became more and more panicked. Ava shifted so she was directly facing the captain, looking in her eyes, and stroked a hand across her jaw. 'Sara,' she murmured, pressing her other hand across the other woman's chest. 'Breathe.'

She tried.

She really did.

But it was so _difficult_ , and it was taking all of her concentration, and it would be so much easier to just drink herself into oblivion - even if she would regret it in the morning.

 

Eventually, her breathing evened out enough that she could speak, immediately using her voice to beg Ava not to leave.

Ava shook her head and gave an affectionate smile. 'I'm not going anywhere.'

Instead of a reply, Sara lay back and pulled Ava down next to her, curling up with her face buried against her girlfriend's neck. Gideon faded the lights as Ava pressed another kiss to the top of Sara's head and wrapped her arms around her, one coming to rest against the captain's back and the other tangling in her hair. She could feel Sara's hot tears soaking into her shirt now that she couldn't be seen, so simply pulled her closer and let her cry herself to sleep. She deserved at least the right to mourn in peace, after the day she'd had.

Tomorrow would be rough too, and Ava couldn't promise that rest of the week would be any better. But she could be there.

And if that would help, then it was enough.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry...   
> Come scream at me in the comments :)
> 
> Title from 'Fools' by Lauren Aquilina.


End file.
